Tag: life

  • Man Throws Surprise Birthday Party, Renews Wedding Vows, For Cancer-Stricken Wife

    Man Throws Surprise Birthday Party, Renews Wedding Vows, For Cancer-Stricken Wife

    A man threw a surprise birthday party for his cancer-stricken wife at HomeTeamNS Bukit Batok on June 11, but what left her in tears was his renewal of their wedding vows in front of guests.

    Stomper Anonymous Friend, who is a friend of the groom’s friend, said he has attended many weddings and parties, but none have touched him as much as this event had.

    The couple, who are both 45 years old and have an 18-year-old son, first took their wedding vows in 1997 when they got married.

    However, the husband decided to renew his vows due to his wife’s illness. He also went down on his knees to propose to her again and gave her a ring.

    Said the Stomper:

    “The most touching part of this event is when Mr Suria renewed his weddings vows, which he first did back in 1997 when he got married to Mrs Sarojini. The atmosphere was filled with love when he went on his knee to propose again with a ring.

    “Seeing this… I daresay True Love still exists!

    “Wedding vows are magical and beautiful words: ‘In sickness and in health. I will love and honour you all the days of my life’.

    “Mrs Sarojini is suffering from cancer but she is still strong. An iron lady indeed!

    “I don’t know Mr Suriya personally but my respect for him is way above sky level!

    “Everyone in the room was crying and was touched by the true love this husband had for his wife.

    “I wanted to share this so people will understand that love is not about sex or having fun. It is about being there during hard times too.

    “In this era where love has taken a back seat, couples break up over little problems or cheat on their partners. They throw away love easily!

    “Final word to you all: Cherish your marriage because it is a wonderful thing when two souls became one. Love conquers all.

    “We need to learn a lot from Mr and Mrs Suria Saro. God bless both of them!”

     

    Source: http://stomp.straitstimes.com

  • Lunch With Sumiko – When The Going Gets Tough, Muft Fatris Bakaram Writes Poetry

    Lunch With Sumiko – When The Going Gets Tough, Muft Fatris Bakaram Writes Poetry

    My lunch with the Mufti of Singapore is held in the shadow of the Sultan Mosque.

    I’m early at The Landmark, a restaurant at the Village Hotel Bugis overlooking the swimming pool.

    It is just past 1pm and I’m suddenly aware of a different sound in the air. Ah, I realise, the call to prayer, or azan.

    Dr Fatris Bakaram, the Mufti, arrives soon after. I nod and wave my hello.

    He’s accompanied by Mr Zainul Abidin Ibrahim, director of strategic engagement at the Islamic Religious Council of Singapore, otherwise known by its Malay acronym Muis.

    A mufti is an Islamic scholar who helms the religious leadership in a Muslim community. He interprets Islamic law and provides spiritual guidance to the community, which numbers about 500,000 here.

    The Office of the Mufti is part of Muis, a statutory board under the Ministry of Culture, Community and Youth and supervised by the Minister-in-charge of Muslim Affairs.

    Among his many duties, the Mufti chairs the committee that issues fatwas, which are Islamic legal rulings.

    His office also issues Friday sermons, gives direction for programmes in mosques and Islamic education, and advises the Government on Islamic matters.

    Dr Fatris, 47, became Singapore’s third Mufti in 2011. He has also been an ustaz, or religious teacher, since the 1990s, and still conducts a class at a mosque every Sunday.

    I ask what it’s like to be in the public eye.

    “I think I manage to live with it, although at times it has caused a bit of discomfort to my wife,” he says with a laugh. He lets on that these days, she would rather he wait for her in the car when they go to the market and shops around their home in Yishun.

    The Mufti comes from a family of religious teachers. His father, Bakaram Osman, was an ustaz in the Pasir Panjang village Dr Fatris grew up in, and his mother is a housewife. He is the third of four children, and an elder brother and younger sister are religious teachers.

    His father, who died in 1995, was a major influence in his life. “He always emphasised the need to be calm in the face of challenges, and the importance of appreciating different points of view even if we disagree with them,” he says.

    “That shaped me as a person. Some of his students say they see his reflection in me. I am a person who does not vent. Even when times get tough, I have to be tough in my thoughts, in my thinking, in the process of coming to a decision, but in my interaction, Fatris is Fatris.”

    He studied at Pasir Panjang Primary School before switching to Madrasah Aljunied. In 1988, he left for Egypt’s prestigious Al-Azhar University to study Islamic theology, returning in 1993.

    After he returned, he taught at a madrasah before joining Muis. He later became a principal of a madrasah, did his master’s in education in Malaysia, and then went back to Muis where he was manager of the Office of the Mufti.

    In 2004, he was told by Muis that he would succeed Mufti Syed Isa Semait, who had been mufti since 1972 and had postponed his retirement several times.

    To prepare for his new role, he went to the University of Birmingham in Britain to do his doctorate in Islamic law.

    He took part in a week-long multi-faith conference in Germany and got to know Jewish rabbis and Christian leaders. “We had meals together, we openly discussed our different faiths. That’s when I saw the human side of religion rather than just the theological part.”

    A large part of Dr Fatris’ job is chairing the fatwa committee, and in recent years, fatwas have been issued on topics such as organ transplants.

    Fatwas, he explains, are different from religious advisories. For example, whether it is okay for Muslims to wish Christians “Merry Christmas” is not a fatwa but an advisory. (For the record, it is okay.)

    A recent fatwa he took satisfaction in shaping was on adoptions. Muslim couples who wanted to adopt or foster had some questions on the permissibility of adopting girls, as they understood that there are guidelines that a male and a female should not be in closed premises when they do not have a family relationship.

    The committee studied the Quran, prophetic precedents and sought expert opinions on child and family psychology. It concluded that no child should be denied the love and care of a family. An adopted child, regardless of gender, should be treated as part of the family.

    Muis explained its decision to religious teachers and they understood and supported the fatwa, Dr Fatris says. He is happy to see more couples coming forward to adopt and foster children.

    A few days before our interview, terror group Islamic State in Iraq and Syria claimed responsibility for an attack in Berlin that killed 12 people. I wonder if it would be insensitive to raise the issue of terrorism, but he is unperturbed when I bring it up.

    To a large degree, he says, Muslims in Singapore are very enlightened compared with those in many other countries.

    “Only a small number of individuals are attracted to deviant teachings,” he says, and points out how most Muslims will speak out if they attend classes by teachers who “get carried away” or espouse radical or extremist views.

    “Muslims in Singapore are able to differentiate between what true Islam should be, how it should be practised in Singapore, and which practices would be inappropriate here. So I take comfort in that.”

    Does he feel the need to defend Islam each time an attack happens?

    “I think we have come to a stage now where it’s not fruitful to continuously keep making statements, because it doesn’t help. We need to go beyond this,” he says firmly.

    The best way Muslims here can help to dispel the idea that Islam is a troubled religion is to be a community that is productive, which contributes to the country and upholds the values and principles of peace, he says.

    I ask what’s the most difficult part of being mufti and his reply is swift: Managing expectations.

    There are people who say the Government should do more to support Muis, but there’s also another group that wants the Government to do less as they want Muis to be independent.

    There are some who want the Mufti to be more visible in mosques, yet others say it’s inappropriate for the Mufti to be conducting classes in the mosque because of his position.

    There’s also the matter of Friday sermons. A group in Muis – including outside experts – prepares the sermons which are sent to mosques. While they sometimes check with him on what to say, he usually leaves it to them because “I want my officers to be empowered”. The imams can make adjustments to the sermons while keeping the core message.

    There are those who think it is not Muis’ job to write the sermons, but others want Muis to continue doing so as they feel Singapore is too small for different mosques to be preaching different messages.

    He has concluded that the key in managing expectations is integrity.

    “In the midst of managing those expectations, really building up your integrity is important. You just have to convince people with action, with your programmes, deliver results.”

    One result he likes to cite is Singapore’s mosque-building programme, which is wholly funded by the Muslim community.

    When Muis started the programme in 1975, there was scepticism. Today, there are 25 new, multi-function satellite mosques, many not just beautiful but also buzzing with programmes for all segments of the community, including the larger Singapore society.

    Dr Fatris points out how in many parts of the Muslim world, mosques are used only as a place of ritual and worship.

    Singapore’s mosques are also progressive. Dr Fatris relates how a visiting female Muslim community leader from Britain was surprised to learn how mosques here have prayer spaces for women, and how many of the activities are driven by women.

    “She was shocked. She asked, ‘What else?’ I said, ‘In Singapore we have female scholars, female religious teachers who will conduct lectures and we males will just sit down and listen to them and get instruction from them, not only from the males.’ She said, ‘Are you sure?’

    “It’s something that they cannot imagine in their part of their world – that Muslim men would be able to listen to a female preacher talking about religion.”

    Still, being Mufti has its challenges, and to relax, he writes Malay poetry, a passion since secondary school.

    One poem is about his dreams for his daughter and three sons. They are aged 22, 21, 19 and 16 and studying. Some lines go: “One by one, you will go on to build your own lives/Fly into the clouds without worry/Because God’s sky is your umbrella/And my prayers are your wings”.

    He writes about “anything”, he says. “Sometimes I write about life in a kampung, sometimes I write about children, about family, about religion, about society.”

    He adds self-deprecatingly: “Kampung boy, sometimes get very sentimental, romanticising about the good old days… something that my wife can read but cannot understand. My wife is totally a city person, she was raised in Toa Payoh.”

    He used to enjoy handicraft too, but “now in an HDB flat, how can you knock-knock on wood without disturbing others”, he chuckles.

    Our lunch has taken us to nearly 3pm. We decline an offer for dessert but get tea.

    Before we go, I ask if there’s anything he wants to add. He laughs and says he has shared a lot already. Then, turning serious, he adds that there is something very important he wants to talk about – the influence former mufti Syed Isa has had on his life.

    He tells me that Mr Syed Isa was mufti at a time when he didn’t have the luxury of having a team of officers behind him, but he was very confident, courageous and ahead of his time.

    He cites an example of how, back in the 1970s, Mr Syed Isa decided to base Hari Raya dates on scientific calculations rather than ritual visibility sightings. “It was very, very tough for the people to accept that but he just believed in it.”

    Today, he and the former mufti – now 78 – still have long chats whenever Mr Syed Isa is in Muis.

    Do you see yourself serving as long as your predecessor’s 40 years, I ask.

    “I do not know whether I can stay or whether I should stay that long,” says Dr Fatris. “Sometimes it gets tough.”

    But, he adds with a charming smile: “Writing poetry is a way for me to release that stress without venting my anger. It’s an outlet for me.”

     

    Source: www.straitstimes.com

  • Life Imprisonment And Death Sentence For Two Involved In 2010 Kallang Murder

    Life Imprisonment And Death Sentence For Two Involved In 2010 Kallang Murder

    Two men from Sarawak, Malaysia, convicted of murder for the brutal 2010 slashings here at Kallang were finally sentenced on Monday, with one headed to the gallows and the other jailed for life.

    Micheal Garing, 26, and Tony Imba, 36, were part of a gang that went on a robbery spree, severely injuring three victims and killing a fourth man.

    Both Michael and Tony were found guilty of murder last year after a 12-day trial the year before. It has been almost another year before they learnt their fates.

    Michael, whom High Court Judge Choo Han Tek had said that evidence showed was the one who had struck the dead man, was given the death sentence.

    Tony will be serving life in prison and given 24 strokes of the cane.

    Michael’s lawyer, Mr Ramesh Tiwary, said his client will be appealing his sentence.

    The pair and two accomplices had attacked and robbed the four men in the Kallang area from late in the night of May 29, 2010 until the early hours of the next day.

    Before the fatal assault on 41-year-old construction worker Shanmuganathan Dillidurai, they set upon two construction workers from India – Mr Sandeep Singh, 27, and Mr Egan Karuppaiah, 46 – and Singaporean Ang Jun Heng, 22.

    The dead man had a fractured skull, a severed left hand, a slash wound across his neck and a back wound so deep that his shoulder blade was cracked.

    One accomplice, Donny Meluda, 23, is at large. The other, Hairee Landak, 22, was sentenced to 33 years’ jail and 24 strokes of the cane for armed robbery with grievous hurt. He testified in the trial.

     

    Source: www.straitstimes.com

  • Helping Women Under Pressure At Home And At Work

    Helping Women Under Pressure At Home And At Work

    At a speech at last week’s The Singapore Woman Award ceremony, Minister for Foreign Affairs K Shanmugam spoke of his surprise when he found out about the low percentage of women in top corporate management here. In his speech, he also outlined some of the measures that are being taken to address the challenges women face at work and at home. Below is an excerpt.

    Most of us are aware, generally, of the difficulties women face in trying to have a successful career and of the hard choices that society forces upon them. I became more aware a few years ago when BoardAgender came to meet me. They highlighted the low level of representation of women in corporate senior management.

    It was a surprise to me at that point in time because of my own experience in my law firm. If you look at my then-partnership, two-thirds (of lawyers) were women. In law school, two-thirds (of students) were young women. From the ages of 19 to 21, you know how boys are. The women turn up nicely dressed, mature, they speak well and they are prepared. Boys come in sandals and they are monosyllabic. So if we did not do positive discrimination, the entire law school would be full of women.

    And likewise in Allen and Gledhill, where I was doing recruitment, we had to actively look out for some boys to employ. The women just outperform at interviews, at that age anyway. And if you look around, in accounting, medicine, you would normally not think of Singapore as a society where women are discriminated against. But BoardAgender showed me the figures in corporate board representation and they were sobering.

    Before I deal with these issues, let me recount an anecdote that I think touches on a fairly fundamental underlying issue. I met the Norwegian Foreign Minister; he highlighted the approach in Norway. The men are expected to take time off to look after the children when they are infants. If they do not, their bosses will ask them why not? And that will have an impact on promotion.

    New employers will look at your CV to see whether you have taken a year off to look after your children. If you have not, that would count against you. With that as a background, let me touch on four issues that affect women. One, the corporate boardroom; two, the issues women face at the workplace; three, some structural impediments that women face in the family justice system; and four, expectations placed on women at home.

    BOARDROOM AND WORKPLACE CHALLENGES

    Credit Suisse issued a report in September last year. It said female representation at the board level in Singapore companies fell from 8.6 per cent in 2012 … to 7.9 per cent in 2013. We are below the global average of 12.7 per cent, which itself is low. And if you compare among Asian countries, others in the region, we are also below them.

    There was a recent survey by Hays. It showed that only 25 per cent of management positions in Singapore were held by women. We were the second-lowest among the Asian countries surveyed, behind China, Malaysia and Hong Kong.

    Beyond fairness, there are actually good business reasons to reverse this trend. Studies suggest that female representation on boards is generally good for the firms. It usually translates to higher profit margins. Women probably temper the alpha male behaviour a little bit. An analysis of 1,500 Standard & Poor’s firms over 15 years showed that the more women they had in top management, the more market value they generated.

    On March 6, Germany passed a law. It required some of Europe’s largest companies to give 30 per cent of supervisory board positions to women. The law will come into force next year. Germany joins Norway, Spain, France, Iceland, Belgium and the Netherlands in setting quotas for women in the boardroom.

    Here in Singapore, we have not gone for hard, legally-mandated quotas. But the Government has been trying to encourage greater women representation on boards to shape norms. Last year, the Ministry of Social and Family Development accepted 10 recommendations by the Diversity Task Force, including programmes and training to help qualified women take on senior management positions. I think we have to keep emphasising the need for change and the need to set new norms.

    Aside from the boardrooms, women have to contend with a variety of challenges in the workplace. I will only touch on one aspect, which is harassment. AWARE (Association of Women for Action and Research) did a study in 2008 that involved 500 respondents and 92 companies. AWARE found that 54 per cent of those surveyed had experienced some form of workplace harassment. 79 per cent of the victims were women, 21 per cent were men. This is sexual harassment. This harassment is unacceptable. Women need more protection.

    The Ministry of Law passed the Protection from Harassment Act in March last year. It is now in force. This will help protect women better at the workplace, from stalking and (from those) trying to embarrass women online, shame them, which happens all too frequently. This Act has a lot of teeth. You can go to court, get remedies quickly and inexpensively. We made it easy to use, we made it inexpensive. It is a tool for protection and it is a tool that we hope can help slowly change behaviour.

    Difficulties in the legal system and at home

    No one wants a marriage to end in a divorce. But when it does, we have to make it easier for women to cope. There are several difficulties. I will mention two: One is maintenance; the other is getting an HDB (Housing and Development Board) flat.

    We have now changed the laws (for divorce proceedings). We have made sure that divorce disputes will be handled quickly and led by judges. The lawyers will no longer dictate the rounds of affidavits.

    Basically, divorce proceedings are seen by parties as a way of rearguing the 10, 15 or 20 years of marriage. This is unnecessary. There are only three issues: What happens to the children, how the assets are to be divided and how much maintenance is to be paid. So we focus on that.

    We tell the judge to lead it, we prepare a short template affidavit, everybody has got to fit (their arguments) into that one-page template, you do not need 200 pages. It reduces legal costs. (We have) specialised family courts where the judges will be very knowledgeable about the issues and you will get a clear standard approach.

    So all those changes have been made; they will be rolled out and the impact will be felt on the ground from this year onwards. And women will find it much easier. (As for) maintenance, we will also make changes over the next two years to make it much easier to recover money that has been ordered to be paid.

    HDB flats post-divorce is another big issue. Eighty per cent of our population lives in public flats. And the issues are usually that after divorce, the former wife might find it difficult to get a flat because you are entitled to subsidies only twice. If she has used it up, there would be difficulties. You also do not want the system to be gamed, but the HDB now exercises flexibility in genuine cases. And we will do more in that area.

    Dr Vivienne Wee from AWARE said women face unequal expectations as compared with men; are seen as having a duty to reproduce and take on “natural responsibilities” of caring for the elderly and children.

    I think many of us realise that men do need to step up to share the domestic chores with their wives.

    Again, research shows that in families where men share the housework with their wives, the wives are happier and less depressed. Divorce rates are lower in such households. Both also live longer.

    But on that note, if I may share something else, research also shows that married men and unmarried women are the ones who live longest. So you can imagine who passes the stress to whom.

    Another study shows that if you look at daughters of fathers who helped around the house, they were more likely to have higher aspirations. They are more likely to break the mould.

    But both partners doing housework together is, of course, not always easy. There will be many cases where either the man — culturally usually the man — or the woman will have very demanding jobs.

    And sharing equally is not possible. In such cases, there has to be an agreement, some sensible arrangement. It may have to involve the in-laws to get additional support. Sometimes both may hold such demanding jobs. What can be done? I think we have to be more understanding of the pressures that women face.

     

    Source: www.todayonline.com