Give me a moment to quit cringing at the sight of this shot, and let me explain the mix of feelings I am currently harbouring for about 48 hours now. If I could wrap up and summarise (summaries have never been my forté, my ex-boss would know that too well haha) all that’s floating in my head, it would be this:
Hold on a sec, I’m not going to go feign humility and go boohoo why expose my kind act like that…but I’ll just say I feel a bit exposed and violated (which is, again, ironic considering how I’m covered up head-to-toe in the picture). Why? Well here are my list of reasons:
1. People feel like they have the right to decide whether or not she’s my grandmother or some random Chinese lady, just based on their yet-to-mature worldview.
I have grown up with both sets of grandparents; Malay and Chinese, an opportunity I am immensely grateful for, for 23 years now. My grandparents, whether or not they be Muslim or not, have taught me a great deal of things of how to be a loving Muslim from the way they accepted my parents’ counter-intuitive fate of love. So I don’t get why 1 photo suddenly flushes my family’s beautiful history, of tolerance and patience, down the drain with insensitive comments like “Is the uploader dumb? they don’t look the same“. Dude, that comment hurt like a wrecking ball straight through my heart, just so you know. (so please rot with guilt, whoever shared that same italicised sentiment)
She is my beloved Nainai, and actually I’ll explain later in this post what’s been up with her.
2. I feel like a tree that’s been peed on by countless number of patrons
I’m not a person who knows exactly how to deal with being in the limelight (I ran from a number of acapella auditions because I can’t take such stresses haha), and so the past 48 hours was a nightmare for me. Acquaintances, friends from 10 years back, and snarky people have all taken a shot at reposting that picture, and other (funny) articles on my Facebook wall; my Instagram inbox is booming with the same picture over and over, from friends who tell me ‘congratulations‘ and ‘oh its you!‘, and I’m just thinking “why you all acting like I’m the lost child at the Ikea info counter that every person wants to claimmmmm?” (this is in reference to that Barisan Nasional post that claimed I was rakyat Malaysia, i.e. Malaysia’s citizen)
It was funny the first few times, but dude…..I get it, I went viral. Please stop reminding meeeeee. I feel like hiding in a hole for not knowing how to respond to these recognition posts. Do I say thank you? Do I act all smug about it? Do I vehemently refuse to be mentioned? What?
3. This is the one that’s got me most unsettled: People suddenly feel like they have the right to judge my intentions
I’ll link this to a concern of mine, which has to do with my belief; It isn’t right to bathe in glory over a good act; good acts should be done with sincerity and not with ostentation in mind.
So when someone says I did it to pose for the gahmen, I think I have every right to feel offended and upset that someone is accusing me of doing the dirty, when truth was I didn’t even fathom my picture being taken and spread online. Gosh -_-
I don’t know why some righteous people take it upon themselves to (un)sanctify my act towards my granny – I didn’t ask you to.
And beyond all those feelings, is the truth behind the photo that matters. So here it is, for all you heart-shaped sweeties out there, who said this photograph melted your hearts (I’m glad and feel honoured that it warmed your hearts amongst all the hatred that’s been going about <3):
On that fateful rainy day, I was sending my Nainai to the clinic and having breakfast with her instead of my mother because I wanted to lighten my mother’s burden of travelling on her injured leg, and I honestly just missed my Nainai. Mr Jason Quah was under the block with his professional lens and camera, seeking shelter from the freshly-subsiding rain, when he happened to catch eye of my Nainai and I alighting from the cab. And that’s the truth and history of the current Hijabrella meme.
My interracial/inter-religious family
My grandmother (Nainai/奶奶; yes, Mandarin is my Mother Tongue) lives alone with my equally aged grandfather (Yeye/爷爷). They’re both into their late 70’s, and they only have 2 sons, so you could say this side of my family is quite closely knit for the very fact that it’s quite a small family. My mother, the daughter-in-law to my nainai, is more of a hero than I am – she used to send my nainai to her regular doctor and hospital checkups, even with her deteriorating knee condition. We don’t live too far off from (Bukit Batok – West Coast) my grandparents, so we are quite accustomed to being the pillars for them.
My nainai is a very bubbly and loving soul. Though she isn’t even officially Muslim (yet, fellow Muslims please make du’a for my Nainai who already believes in One God), she threw out her pots and pans, at a time when her family was still considerably poor, to welcome my father’s at-the-time Muslim girlfriend (my now-mother), who had dietary restrictions because of her faith. My nainai and yeye, bless their souls, accepted my mother and my father’s love for the Islamic faith with open arms. My nainai reminds me to perform my obligatory prayers every time I visit her.
My nainai voluntarily sheds light about basic tenets of the Islamic faith and practices to my brother’s non-Muslim girlfriend (haha a ‘phew’ moment for my parents, who are probably glad they get to skip the hard-talk).
My nainai used to visit my Malay grandmother every first day of Hari Raya, up till last 2 years when she was hit with Meniere’s Disease.
My nainai watches Korean dramas and gushes about comedic reality Korean shows. (I love korean drama and reality shows – I actually learn the Korean language academically)
My nainai is the epitome of what every interracial/inter-religious family needs – and I’m extremely grateful/proud that she is my role model.
She constantly makes it a point to tell people I’m her grand daughter
Let’s face it – you see a Malay/brown woman holding an elderly Chinese/fair lady….what’s the first thing that comes to your mind (especially when you’re Singaporean)? MAID AND EMPLOYER
Right? Don’t shy 😉 I know it’s true. My lil bro’s wonderfully Thai classmate easily uttered to my brother, one day when I was fetching him from school: “Hey Ihsan, tell your maid to go home and let us play basketball first”. (to be fair, my brother looks very Chinese and I….am a little browned, and the hijab doesn’t help reveal that I’m racially Chinese by law)
So my Nainai having been aged and becoming increasingly frail, she always holds on to me like her life depends on it, with her walking stick in other hand, just as the (in)famous viral picture depicts. Her equally elderly neighbours would greet her as we make our way to the bus stop, and speak in Hokkien and I would smile because I understand but have trouble keeping up to converse with them in the same dialect.
My nainai always starts her convos with them with: “Wa eh soon”; which means “this is my grandchild”.
And the person’s eyes would change from a look of “haha” to “wait, really?” to “wow” and then followed by a compliment of how pretty I am, and how lucky my Nainai is to have me hold her. (< this is the part that always tugs at my heart strings) HOW CAN YOUNG PEOPLE NOT LOVE OLD PEOPLE RIGHT. THEY ALWAYS HAVE NICE THINGS TO SAY (…..unless, of course, they’re not fed/waiting in line for the doctor/forced to do things the younglings make them do)
I don’t blame onlookers when they assume I’m her maid, although its always been a concern of my Nainai’s. However, isn’t it sad that this is even still a concern? sigh c’mmon, metropolitan city….live up to your title!
(this shot was when I pushed her on a wheelchair for the first, and only, time to the dentist last year. She wanted me to specifically say I was her grand daughter and not some social service lady)
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A layer beyond all that truth and feelings above is actually my personal purpose in life.
As a Muslim who blends in the crowd, more often than not, my small efforts can only go so far.
Call me an opportunist, but I reckon it’s high time I take advantage of this temporary viral phase to point out a few issues, just from my point-of-view, as a racially-mixed Muslim:
1. Multiple non-Malay Muslims (be they born or converted to Islam) struggle with acceptance from their families, and I’m actually spearheading a few quiet but ground-shaking projects to rectify this issue; and I need all your help.
Many of them end up homeless because they’re kinda excommunicated from family due to lack of understanding of their change-of-heart; many of them can’t explain why they felt the urge to convert/follow Islam, in spite of the cultural rules society has concretised over many generations.
I’m not asking to house every Muslim you meet; I’m asking you to merely read up a lil on the basics of what this “Malay-ised” religion (only in this region it seems that way), and dispel all the confusion and misfired aggression toward non-Malay Muslims.
(I’m coming up with a book related to this, but maybe when it’s out then you guys will see what its all about)
2. Interracial families are becoming more and more prominent but the stigma persists…especially with the youth *cringe*
I’ve heard of painful family dramas when racially-opposing couples get together, I’ve experienced the best of beautiful friends’ interracial matrimonial stories, and I’ve also come across the SGAG comments section (ugh). Singapore, we gots a problem – should we not fix it? Especially with the ‘bright-eyed’ youth who make the bulk of mindless keyboard warriors, talking snap about sensitive issues they can’t even wrap their still-yet-to-mature minds around?
Dear government, maybe you should consider shedding light on interracial families in the future Social Studies syllabi? (just a suggestion!)
3. The old lack the lovin’.
Across, from my Nainai’s block, is where her younger brother resides, alone with no wife or children. He is my granduncle (Kukong/姑公), and he suffers from diabetes and deteriorating eyesight.
He and my grandfather are in their 70’s, they’re still working their butts off to keep the food on the table, but what’s more important is that these old folks, inclusive of their other independently-living neighbours, always seem so sombre.
I find it quite sad that me just sheltering my Nainai has stirred hearts for the mere fact that it’s rare to find a 3rd gen care for the 1st gen. My Nainai lights up when she hears my usually-busy-with-school cousins come to visit just because they want to see her, and not because they have an errand to run with her. Imagine how much happy this pioneer gen is being deprived of 🙁
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Again, this post is just me speaking out beyond the virally-shared picture/meme(< sigh)
How you wish to view this post, is not of my concern 🙂
May we all learn to love, more than hate, amidst all the terror going on elsewhere in the world. <3
Thank you, Jason Quah, for causing the spark that lit up a few other issues linked to the Hijabrella shot 😉
Can’t believe I’m adding this…but: Hey Singapura, Majulah, ok?
PS: I know how to have fun and I take this whole situation lightly except for the racial ouchies in the comments section (but haters gonn’ hate, right?). My friends are a fun bunch too. Check out the joke of a photoshop attempt, just to show me how much of an MVP they think I am. HAHA:
quote my friend: “A face I can trust”
Just because people make a heck out of my small hijab-to-umbrella act hahah
…… learn to chill and lighten up~ #notetoself
Source: https://rojakgirlthoughts.blogspot.sg
