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  • Fahmi Rais: I Was Adopted, My Biological Parents Are Chinese

    Fahmi Rais: I Was Adopted, My Biological Parents Are Chinese

    All his life, he thought he was the only child of his loving Malay parents.

    Even though everyone he met has assumed he is Chinese because he is fair-skinned, Mr Fahmi Rais never gave it much thought.

    This was until about two weeks ago, when a casual question posed to his 90-year-old grandmother during a monthly visit revealed a shocking, long-kept family secret.

    Mr Fahmi found out he had been adopted and that his biological parents are Chinese.

    The 47-year-old media consultant said: “I told her that people have been asking me for many years if I was adopted.

    “I expected her to tell me that I was being ridiculous. But when her expression changed and she was silent for a few seconds, I just knew it.”

    Mr Fahmi, a Malay community leader who was a SingFirst candidate in this year’s General Election, was so overwhelmed by the sudden revelation that he started crying.

    His grandmother, who was also reduced to tears, told him that his parents were a poor Chinese couple who lived in Segamat, Johor.

    She had no other details of his adoption – neither names nor the amount of money exchanged, if any.

    Already feeling lost, Mr Fahmi was crushed when he realised that his relatives had known about the adoption but hid it from him.

    His adoptive parents died more than 20 years ago, both from heart attacks.

    His maternal grandmother is his only surviving grandparent.

    He said: “Maybe my parents wanted to tell me one day, but never had the chance.”

    For the past two weeks, Mr Fahmi, a father of four children aged between six and 19, has been determinedly searching for his biological family.

    He wrote to The New Paper, hoping that by sharing his story, he would find them.

    His parents had managed to keep details of his adoption a mystery, even to his relatives.

    Mr Fahmi’s most credible lead is his birth certificate, which was issued 10 years after he was born.

    The names of his birth parents are not on the certificate, but there is one clue.

    It lists Kandang Kerbau Hospital (now known as KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital) as his place of birth.

    When he approached the hospital last week, he was told that there are no records of his birth and he was directed to the Immigration and Checkpoints Authority.

    They, too, told him they had no further information and asked him to approach the family court.

    He is now waiting for the adoption registry, located at the MND Complex, to check if there are records of his adoption, but he has not heard from them yet.

    ONLY CHILD?

    Growing up as an only child, Mr Fahmi said the possibility of having siblings has been the greatest motivation for his search.

    He believes his parents had many children and were forced to give a child away because of poverty.

    “The thought that my sister could be sitting next to me at a foodcourt, or that my brother could be one of my friends on Facebook (without realising it), has been unbearable,” he said.

    Mr Fahmi’s wife, Madam Sulaimah Abdul Kadir, 40, a consultant, was also there during Mr Fahmi’s conversation with his grandmother.

    She said she is moved by his sadness since he found out the truth about his adoption.

    “As a wife, I’ll support him in his search. But no matter what happens, we still love him for who he is,” she said.

    Mr Fahmi insists he is not overreacting and that he just hopes to find closure.

    The couple have an adopted daughter, Nur Natasya, 16, and Mr Fahmi admitted that he does blame his parents a little for withholding the truth from him.

    He said: “My wife and I never hid the fact from our daughter that she was adopted. It was my policy of love, I don’t think adoption should be a secret.

    “I wish my parents had the same level of transparency, but this does not reduce my love for them.

    “I was a late bloomer and only passed one subject at O levels. I disappointed them many times when I was younger, but they loved me all the same.”


    This adoption discovery came at the lowest point of my life. As if the seabed wasn’t ground deep enough, this experience (took) me on a slippery slope into the dark abyss. My wife and four children are the only people keeping me together. Not omitting my caring grandmother, without whom my entire life would have been a continuous lie.

    – Mr Fahmi Rais in a blog entry on Tuesday

     

    Source: www.tnp.sg

  • France Must Not Continue To Marginalise Its Muslim Community

    France Must Not Continue To Marginalise Its Muslim Community

    The Friday 13th attacks in Paris killed 130, and was the deadliest terrorist attack to hit Paris since the end of World War II. But it could have been much worse. Had the terrorists succeeded in smuggling bombs or guns into the Stade de France and caused a stampede at the France-Germany football match where French President Francois Hollande was present, the outcome could have been even grimmer. The current high threat alert across Europe represents a fourth crisis on top of the three interlocking crises that the European Union has been grappling with in the past few years – the euro crisis (since 2008); the immigrant influx from the Middle East and North Africa (one million refugees are expected for 2015); and the EU’s geopolitical stand-off with Russia over Ukraine.

    Flashback to Sept 13, 2001, after the twin towers collapsed in New York: Le Monde’s front-page editorial (nous sommes tous Americains) pithily summed up the sympathy and identification that French citizens felt for America. France supported Washington’s invoking of Nato’s Article 5 (mutual defence clause), and the United States-led military operation in Afghanistan to flush out Al-Qaeda’s territorial base.

    But French backing did not extend to supporting Washington in toppling Saddam Hussein and invading Iraq in 2003. Paris’ 2003 decision to delimit military aims to attacking Al-Qaeda’s resource bases, rather than redraw the political map of the Middle East, was a prudent one. Paris escaped the major terrorist attacks that targeted the European supporters of the Iraq invasion – Madrid in 2004, and London in 2005.

    Fast forward to November 2015: Paris is confronted with a crisis of similar proportions to the one then US President George W. Bush faced in 2001. Should France prosecute a limited war against the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (ISIS) to deny its territorial bases in Iraq and Syria? Or should it go further and ally with the US and Russia to redraw the larger map in the Middle East? Unlike the US, however, France is geographically close to the Muslim world, has a deep colonial history and strong ties in Muslim North Africa and the Middle East, and houses a sizeable Muslim minority.

    REASSESS MIDDLE EAST POLICY

    In the past week, Mr Hollande has vowed “merciless” attacks against ISIS. France has asked and received support for military cooperation from EU member states. Mr Hollande has met US President Barack Obama and will meet Russian President Vladimir Putin tomorrow, and has asked the United Nations to condemn ISIS. French jets have worked with Russian forces to pound Raqqa, ISIS’ would-be capital in Syria.

     .

    Over the longer term, the heightened state of alert in Europe is likely to see Paris recovering some of its lost leadership in the EU, especially on military security, immigration, border security and diplomatic matters.

    The UN’s Climate Change Conference in Paris, to be held from Nov 30 to Dec 11, will be the largest international gathering of ministers and leaders from around the world in Paris in years. This promises to be a nightmare for the French and security services of all the international delegations.

    Whatever France chooses to do in its foreign policy, it will have to weigh the consequences of its decisions on its own domestic audience and social cohesion. French people of Islamic faith or Middle Eastern origins are a large and fast-growing minority. Estimated at between 7 and 10 per cent of the total French population, French Muslims far outnumber the older confessional minorities of Jewish or non-Catholic Christian faiths combined, and represent in absolute numbers the largest group of European Muslims in a single EU member state. French Muslims follow events in their countries of origin in the Middle East (mainly) closely, and as historian Jonathan Laurence and political scientist Justin Vaisse argue, they are a growing factor in France’s Middle East policy. Remember that at least five of the Nov 13 attackers were French citizens (and more than 1,400 French nationals are estimated to have joined ISIS).

    As difficult as circumstances are, this is perhaps an opportune time to reassess Western policies towards the Middle East, from which a majority of continental Europe’s Muslim population originate. The failure of the international community to resolve the Palestinian crisis is a genuine point of contention among many Muslims worldwide, and there needs to be an honest discussion about this. Other foreign policy decisions, including military strikes against Muslim countries and the continued support for regimes that deny their citizens basic freedoms in the Middle East, must be reconsidered. In fact, to do justice to the victims of the Paris attacks, the Muslim populace in the West and all of Europe’s citizens, there is no better time to engage in these difficult but necessary discussions. We need to move beyond the “they hate us for our freedoms” narrative dominant in the Charlie Hebdo attacks in January this year.

    MUSLIMS IN EUROPE

    Some commentators have suggested that Islam itself is the source of the complications, and have called for a “reformation” of the faith to suit it to modern times. Others have repeatedly asked Muslims to denounce terrorism and proclaim loyalties to the state. This is unfortunately part of the problem. In perpetuating such discourses, one is already promoting the idea that Muslims are the “other” in Western societies. In asking Muslims not to abide by some of the beliefs that they hold dear, for example, the infallibility of the Quran, what is being asked of Muslims is for them to abandon their very identities. And when the community is perpetually being hectored to “condemn” terrorism, it is as if they are presumed guilty until proven innocent.

    Not only can these calls lead to a further sense of alienation or a siege mentality among Europeans of Muslim faith, but they also betray the liberal Western/French values of liberty and equality. No doubt, French secularism is often more muscular than others (for example, the ban on headscarves), but this does not in any way mean that any religious group should be prevented from choosing their lifestyles, as long as they do not violate the laws of the land. How Europeans react to these attacks will be defining for themselves. Will the EU states react to the intolerance of a few radicalised maniacs, with more intolerance of their own, closing off borders to foreigners, or circumscribing the free movement of people, goods and services between themselves? Can Europe remain true to its own history and proclaimed values, by embracing the largely peaceful Muslim population with warmth and genuine tolerance?

    MOVING FORWARD

    An often-neglected aspect in analyses on terrorism is the role of the ulama, or Islamic religious scholars. Traditionally, Muslim communities have always held their ulama in high regard. They have a pivotal role to play in the prevention of extremist ideologies being spread among young, disenchanted Muslims, by propagating the true version of Islam. Western states would do well to consider empowering the ulama; by this, it does not mean that they need to formally co-opt the ulama, which in actuality could be counter-productive. Perhaps a better approach would be to let the ulama be truly independent; the ulama must be allowed to interact with mainstream intellectuals and policymakers, to debate and openly present dissenting views against the state (and against extremist ideologies like those of ISIS), so that they gain credibility among their constituents. This will also demonstrate to disenfranchised Muslims that if they are frustrated, there are legitimate non-violent ways to express their sentiments, instead of resorting to acts of terror and murder.

    Whether one likes it or not, the reality is that Muslims and Islam are here to stay in Europe. It is neither practically feasible, nor morally defensible, to entertain thoughts of a Europe or West without Islam and Muslims. It is best to concentrate efforts on making Muslims identify themselves as full and equal citizens of their countries, rather than as marginalised immigrants or unwelcome foreigners.

    • The first writer, Reuben Wong, is Jean Monnet Professor in European Integration and Foreign Policy at the National University of Singapore. The second writer, Walid Jumblatt Abdullah, is a PhD candidate in political science, NUS-King’s College London joint degree programme.

     

    Source: www.straitstimes.com

     

     

  • Reasons For Divorces Differ In And Out Of Court

    Reasons For Divorces Differ In And Out Of Court

    It appears that divorcees tell a different story in and out of court when asked why they broke up.

    One in four respondents cited adultery as the main reason for their divorce, going by a survey of about 130 divorcees presented last month by Dr Jessica Leong .

    This figure is similar to official data on Muslim divorces, but contradicts that of non-Muslim divorces.

    Figures from the Department of Statistics show that for non-Muslim divorces last year, only 1 per cent of the plaintiffs cited adultery as the main reason for divorce.

    Instead, over half said they split due to “unreasonable behaviour” during divorce proceedings. And 45 per cent split because the couple “lived apart or were separated for three years or more”, while 2 per cent cited “desertion” as the main reason.

    Dr Leong’s survey figures on the main reasons for divorce could be closer to the truth.

    Lawyers told The Straits Times that a person filing for divorce usually finds it too costly to prove that the partner had committed adultery. He must usually hire a private investigator, who will give a report of his surveillance findings, and the investigator may need to appear in court. The person with whom the adultery took place must also be named as a co-defendant, and some people do not know the name of the third party in the marriage.

    Lawyer Michelle Woodworth said: “The difficulty in obtaining the evidence and the costs in doing so are key considerations for clients making a decision against citing the fact of adultery. Often, a plaintiff may choose to proceed on the fact of behaviour instead.”

    Another lawyer, Mr Rajan Chettiar, said people may also not mention adultery because of their ego. “Men may feel that they ‘lose face’ if they tell the court that their wives had an affair with another man.”

    The 134 divorcees surveyed were asked to give “one specific personal example or event to illustrate the main indicator leading to the divorce”. Six of them did not answer.

    The question was an open-ended one, and responses were then classified into several categories such as relation problems, including “loss of love” and conflicts with in-laws (14 per cent), and communication problems (13 per cent).

    Respondents were also asked to select, from a list of 18 options, the factors that contributed to their marital instability.

    There were gender differences.

    Nearly half the men said nagging or complaining contributed to the broken marriage, while only 27 per cent of women said so. About 56 per cent of men said “loss of love” was a factor, while only 38 per cent of women said so.

    Mr Joel Chua, who attended Dr Leong’s presentation and has had over a year of experience as an intern counsellor, said: “Men are emotional creatures too, just that they may not be as expressive about it.”

    They could feel a loss of affection with their ex-spouse, and the lack of sexual intimacy may play a part.

    “Some men have mentioned, without being asked, that there was less sexual intimacy with their spouses when there was more tension in their marriages,” added Mr Chua.

    Counsellors said it was also important for couples to communicate well, in away that is mutually respectful. Dr Leong suggested more public education in pre-tertiary and tertiary schools, when people tend to start dating.

    “We can teach respect and trust in relationships, and they can bring these values to marriage later on,” she said. “They may even identify indicators of troubled marriage and… alert their parents to blind spots they may have in their marriages.”

     

    Source: www.straitstimes.com

  • Calvin Cheng Must Be Held Accountable For Irresponsible, Murderous Comments

    Calvin Cheng Must Be Held Accountable For Irresponsible, Murderous Comments

    One of my friends has started this initiative!

    if you are equally as disgusted by Calvin Cheng’s latest murderous and ignorant comments (pictured), i strongly urge you to similarly:

    (1) write in to the Media Literacy Council at [email protected], where, outrageously, Ca-Cheng is a board member, to protest, and

    (2) boycott JUICE Singapore and all luminalooque companies, where he’s an executive director. inform them of your stance at [email protected] and [email protected].

    please feel free to borrow my email templates below!

    (1) Dear Prof Tan,

    Hope this finds you well.
    I write to bring to your attention the latest irresponsible online comment by one of your Media Literacy Council members, Calvin Cheng.
    On 17 November 2015, at 11:54, he commented on Facebook regarding the Paris attacks, “They are a mortal enemy intent on killing and destroying. So you kill them before they kill you. And their children too in case they grow up to take revenge.” For your reference, I’ve attached a screenshot to this email.
    Could you explain to me how this upholds the Council’s core values, please? In particular, the Council advocates against “uncivil behaviours online…that are anti-social, offensive, irresponsible or simply mean”.
    As I’m sure you know, the Paris attacks are a highly complicated and divisive affair that no rational person supports. At the same time, how does Calvin’s simplistic endorsement and incitement of murder of terrorists and worse still, children, work towards the Council’s aim of “creat[ing] a safe, conducive and fun online environment for work and play”?
    Would appreciate your and the Council’s clarification on this, please.
    Looking forward to your reply.

    (2) Dear Juice,

    For quite a while now, I’ve enjoyed reading your magazine as I’ve seen it go from strength to strength.
    However, I regret to inform you that due to the recent repugnant online comment by your executive director, Calvin Cheng, I’ll be boycotting your magazine and all its related events and content.
    In case you’re not aware, on 17 November 2015, at 11:54, your executive director commented on Facebook regarding the Paris attackers, “They are a mortal enemy intent on killing and destroying. So you kill them before they kill you. And their children too in case they grow up to take revenge.” For your easy reference, I’ve attached a screenshot to this email.
    As I’m sure you know, the Paris attacks are a highly complicated and divisive affair that no rational person would ever support in the least. At the same time, your executive director’s simplistic endorsement and irresponsible incitement of murder of terrorists and worse still, children, goes beyond the pale. While Juice is not a political magazine, I cannot find it in me to support a business whose leader encourages such violence.
    I’m not an influential person, nor do I have deep pockets to support your advertisers, so I simply wish to register my deep disappointment as a long-time and now, former reader.
    Thank you.

     

    Source: Ng Yi-Sheng

  • Non-Muslim: Ignorant Islamophobes Should Read The Quran Before Judging Islam

    Non-Muslim: Ignorant Islamophobes Should Read The Quran Before Judging Islam

    What a hateful book this is. For those of you who don’t know this is the Quran, the book you probably think is guiding ISIS based on my newsfeed. Although I don’t think most of you have ever read a single passage from this book there sure are a lot of experts in my Facebook list.

    Some interesting facts about this book you might not know:

    1. It is a religion of Abraham, just like the Bible and Torah.
    2. Jesus is a big part of this book, although there is discrepancy on if he is the son of God he is still a pretty kick ass prophet who teaches love and peace.
    3. All of the shitty, angry, hateful things you probably think are in this book are all taken out of context from the early part of the religions of Abraham and those same hateful rules are in the Bible and Torah as well.
    4. Islam is the only religion that has mandatory giving to those who are less fortunate.

    For the sake of this post length I will stop there. I am so tired of being told how hateful the Islamic religion is from ignorant people who really have no idea. Any time you see something that you think is true about the Islamic religion I urge you to find those facts in the book and not from someone who has never read it.

    In the book of Genesis Eve brought on sin for all generations to come because she listened to the words of a snake who deceived her. Before you pass judgment based on something you heard, you should look for yourself.

    [17:26-29] You shall give the due alms to the relatives, the needy, the poor, and the travelling alien, but do not be excessive, extravagant.

    The extravagant are brethren of the devils, and the devil is unappreciative of his Lord. Even if you have to turn away from them, as you pursue the mercy of your Lord, you shall treat them in the nicest manner. You shall not keep your hand stingily tied to your neck, nor shall you foolishly open it up, lest you end up blamed and sorry.

    [2:177] Righteousness is not turning your faces towards the east or the west. Righteous are those who believe in GOD, the Last Day, the angels, the scripture, and the prophets; and they give the money, cheerfully, to the relatives, the orphans, the needy, the traveling alien, the beggars, and to free the slaves; and they observe the Contact Prayers (Salat) and give the obligatory charity (Zakat); and they keep their word whenever they make a promise; and they steadfastly persevere in the face of persecution, hardship, and war. These are the truthful; these are the righteous.

    It will be interesting to see how many Facebook friends I lose.

     

    Source: Colin Ripley

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