Tag: Divorce

Help Bring Me And My Children Back To Life

I wish to share my unfortunate & difficult life story that has made me suffer financially, mentally, emotionally & psychologically, having to raise my 4kids on my own.

14 years ago, I was married to a man from a broken family. Things were fine initially,until my Husband started job jumping. He finds that all the jobs he was working were unsuitable for him. Eventually he started abusing me physically & verbally after I began pressing on him the importance of a stable job as our financial were beginning to tumble. Being temperamental as he was, he would occasionally abused me, and after which he would apologised and promised that he would not repeat his mistakes. Despite being trapped and afraid, I always forgave him, thinking that this time he would change for the better. This patience in me has held on until we had 4 kids. Instead of becoming better, he became worse over time. Eventually he stopped working & just didn’t bother about the family and our needs. There are times where our children barely had anything to eat even but my husband just didn’t care.

In 2014, I decided to file a Personal Protection Order(PPO) against my Husband after being physically abused until I broke my nose recently.

As a mother, I tried hard looking for jobs to sustain my kids but it is too difficult to manage. It came to a point where I have utilities arrears ,there are days where we stayed in the dark even. I tried applying for financial assistance throughout many organisations, but barely getting enough to support my kids’ education as my Husband is still able & fit to work. His laziness & attitude has cost me my life,struggling around for assistance just to raise my kids.

I am now filing a divorce against him, hoping that without him in our lives, I would be able to pick myself up & continue nurturing my kids in a decent environment.

Currently I am raising this fund to save my house, the only asset & shelter left for my 4 kids & I from being taken away. Beside that I have pile of arrears with town council & power supply.

I sincerely hope that this would raise awareness to all kind souls out there who can financially assist for me to be able to support in upbringing my kids while I desperately find a job to get back on my feet from this big drop in life. Whatever that has happened to me, I never want my kids to suffer the same fate. May God Bless all of you.

Source: https://give.asia

January 30, 2017
Help! Mother Of 5 Young Children Faces Massive Financial Obstacles, Determined To Turn Life Around Without Abusive Husband

Please find it in your Heart to help by donating what you can, sharing her story with friends and family, and sharing her fundraiser campaign on your social media.

Anyting you can do will be appreciated even if it is your prayers for the success of this campaign. We thank you for your time in reading this.

As my Friend cope with the very unexpected things that happen in her life right now. She was abused again and again by her husband.

This page is set up as a place to gather encouragement and strength. Upon this tragedy let’s come together and show our support to her and her 5 kids. Senya (My Friend) was not employed after she got married her financial dependence post married made her limp,so limp that she didn’t have the back bone to confront her Satanic Husband. Her Husband have crush her facial bones! he abused her and left her with kids and as well bills to pay.She is on PPO currently since 2014, and her Husband didn’t provide for her and the kids till now. With no food at home. She had piled up of arrears with town council, power supply and home loan. This is going to be a Long, rough road to travel with her 5 kids. She is now failing for a divorced. All her kids age is between 12 and below. As we know school will resume on January. Please help her with her utility bills as the family is using PAYU and sometimes can’t afford to top up they would be in dark. They are in immediate need of financial contributions to help with current expenses.

To those who would like to donate directly to her bank account is under POSB SAVINGS 170-49122-0 and to those whom wish to contact me can do so through my email address [email protected]

My goal is to minimize the financial obstacles they are having right now. We cannot understand the struggle they are having. We need to form a network to help them financially, emotionally and physically and rebuild her so she comes back better than ever. It’s not easy while starting over. God Bless all of you..

Source: https://give.asia

January 2, 2017
13 Year Old Adik Greatest Wish? To Break Fast With His Mother

Ahmad is like many other 13-year-olds.

He is bold, boisterous and is optimistic in a way only a young person can be.

But his greatest wish is to break fast with his mother.

For the second year in a row, he is spending Ramadan away from her.

It is only when this subject was raised that we saw a change in the boy.

“I’m quite jealous when I see some of the residents go out and break their fast with their family members,” Ahmad told The New Paper, with notable sadness.

Ahmad (not his real name) has spent more than a year at Pertapis Children’s Home.

According to Mr Sophian Kayat, the head of the home, Ahmad and his older brother were placed in the home’s care in March last year after a court order to protect them.

Their mother had been abused by Ahmad’s stepfather.

She stays in a separate welfare home.

“

I’m quite jealous when I see some of the residents go out and break their fast with their family members.

— Ahmad

When Ahmad was first admitted to the home, he understood why he was being separated from his mother, but it was still hard.

“Ahmad is close to his mother so when he was first admitted here, he was moody and easily agitated,” said Ahmad’s case manager, Miss Hamidah Otheman, 25.

“It took him three to four months before he was able to deal with his emotions and settle into life in the welfare home,” she added.

Ahmad described last year’s fasting month: “I was very sad because it was the first time that I was fasting away from my mother.

“This year, it’s better because I’m already used to it and I have friends here.”

BREAKING FAST: Ahmad breaking fast with donors. The donors had sponsored the food that day.

When TNP visited the home in Kovan, Ahmad was having his school holidays.

He and the other children at the home clamoured to play games during their morning break.

During the school holidays, the children are allowed to play from 7.30am to 9am.

He loves to play football. The home has a small field — about a quarter the size of a normal football field.

“I support Chelsea and Fernando Torres is my favourite player,” he shared between kicks towards an old goalpost.

OBSERVING: A young resident at the home looking on as Ahmad and his friends play football.

Even though Ahmad is away from his mother, but he does not complain about the home.

In fact, he credits the home for helping him to get through the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE), which he took last year.

“The tuition and the support programmes that they have helped to push my grades up and I was able to pass my PSLE,” he said.

PRACTICE: Ahmad practicing the worksheets which were given to him by the home.

“I want to study hard and get into polytechnic and study aerospace engineering,” said the secondary school student.

“I heard that there are a lot of jobs as an aerospace engineer.”

This is more than personal ambition. He wants to be able to give back to the welfare home.

“Maybe in the future, I can sponsor an event for them or maybe make an activity programme for them,” he said.

“

Ahmad is close to his mother, so when he was first admitted here, he was moody and was easily agitated.

— Miss Hamidah Otheman, Ahmad’s case manager at Pertapis

But for now, all he wants is to be reunited with his mother.

According to Mr Sophian, Ahmad’s wish may be granted in the near future.

He says that the next stage for Ahmad is to spend and extended home leave with his mother.

“So long as safety is not compromised, we should be heading towards reunification.”

Source: www.tnp.sg

July 1, 2016
More Marriages Breaking Down Because Of Same-Sex Infidelity

In this day and age, the third party that causes a marriage break-up may not be the usual “other woman” or “other man”.

Family lawyers say they have been seeing more marriages unravel on account of an affair with someone of the same sex.

It is not common, but the 20 lawyers and private investigators that The Sunday Times interviewed say it is a noticeable development.

Many of the lawyers handle one or two such cases a year now. But there were hardly any such cases 10 to 15 years ago. At most, it was just one case every few years.

Lawyers and counsellors say many of the men and women involved may be gay, lesbian or bisexual, but repressed their feelings to conform to social norms or to please their parents by getting married and having children. But with society more open today, more of them are acting on their feelings.

Lawyer Tan Siew Kim said: “I think being attracted to someone of the same sex is not so taboo any more. So all these people… feel it is now more acceptable to pursue their happiness, if they meet someone of the same sex.”

Private investigators say the proliferation of social media and dating websites has made it easier to seek and establish such relationships, especially for gay men.

Lawyer Gloria James-Civetta said one of her clients was suspicious when her husband, a hair stylist in his 30s, became more conscious of his appearance and was frequently out till late. The private investigator the client hired found that her husband often patronised gay clubs. When confronted, he confessed to being gay and told her he wanted to divorce her.

Ms James-Civetta said of the couple, who have two children: “He told her he felt pressure from his parents to marry. She felt deceived, like he did not really love her at all.”

According to counsellors, when women get involved with a same-sex companion, it is usually the result of having developed a strong bond with someone who offers them the emotional intimacy they find lacking in their husbands.

Lawyers say some women even decide to end the marriage and leave the children to be with their new partners.

Lawyer Rina Kalpanath Singh, who has handled such cases, said: “They tend to shy away from fighting for custody. They may feel ashamed as same-sex relationships are not so accepted by society yet and they don’t want to put their children through living with two parents of the same sex.”

Understandably, the discovery that their husband or wife is gay or lesbian is traumatic. And many of these spouses demand a divorce, lawyers say. Ms Singh said: “The betrayal cuts even deeper when they find out the third party is someone of the same sex as their spouse.”

Lawyers say adultery is not cited as grounds for divorce in cases of infidelity involving same-sex partners. This is because adultery is legally defined as a sexual relationship between a man and a woman who are not married to each other, but to other people. So these individuals file for divorce citing “unreasonable behaviour”.

Lawyer Helen Chia said: “I’m certain this has been going on for some time. It is just that no one talks about it. The world we live in is more accepting, so people now dare to come out and talk about it.”

Source: www.straitstimes.com

May 17, 2016
50% Of Divorce Cases Now Involve Cheating Wives

A noticeable number of marriages in Singapore break down because of an unfaithful spouse: the wife.

Twenty veteran family lawyers and private investigators told The Sunday Times that out of every 10 cases they handle in which a spouse cheats, about half are because the wife strayed from the marriage.

A decade ago, only two to three out of the 10 unfaithful parties were the wives. And 20 or 30 years ago, an adulterous wife being cited in divorce proceedings was quite unheard of, they added.

Lawyer and former Member of Parliament Ellen Lee said that back then, divorce was not an easy option as women were financially dependent on their husbands.

Divorce was also less socially accepted. “If a woman committed adultery in the past, she would have been condemned and ostracised by society for breaking up her family and bringing shame to them. The condemnation is not as strong now,” she said.

There also appeared to be acceptance of men having a mistress and that this was something wives had to tolerate, she added.

But that has been changing, with more women becoming financially independent, educated, assertive and vocal, said lawyers, private investigators and counsellors.

Counsellor Jonathan Siew said: “In the past, women were expected to sacrifice for their families. But now, there is a greater sense of individualism. Women are less afraid and more willing to pursue their own needs, compared with their mothers’ generation.”

There are also opportunities to fall for another man at work or through social media, lawyers said of the cases they handled.

And contrary to popular perception, unfaithful wives are not only found among professionals and corporate types, or white-collar or higher-income earners. They come from all walks of life, including housewives and low-wage earners, and many have children.

Lawyer Louis Lim tells of a client, a hawker’s assistant in her 40s, who was physically abused by her husband. The mother of two teenage daughters fell for a man who delivered vegetables to her stall and filed for divorce.

While most of the women in divorce cases handled by the private investigators and lawyers were in their 30s and 40s, there were also grandmothers in their 50s who strayed. Private investigator Raymond Lim had such a case. A woman in her 50s, who runs a small shop, had an affair with a businessman. The pair would have meals and check into budget hotels almost weekly.

And there are key differences between men and women when it comes to affairs.

For one thing, an unfaithful woman is more likely than a man to end the marriage, said counsellors and lawyers.

In their opinion, this is because women do not necessarily seek an extramarital affair. They may have been unhappy in their marriage, till someone comes along and offers them the emotional intimacy they find lacking in their marriage.

Said Mr Siew: “When women cheat, they are, to some extent, already thinking of divorce. So they allow themselves to go into the affair, which they see as a long-term commitment.”

This is unlike men, who often want to keep the other woman on the side for a variety of reasons.

Lawyer Koh Tien Hua said: “Some men see sex outside of marriage as no big deal and just as a matter of sexual release. Or they may have an emotional attachment – but one that is not strong enough for them to leave their wives.”

So it is rare to see women who are “serial” adulterers, unlike some men who have one affair after another, lawyers said.

That is not to say there are no women who “go around shopping for better husbands”, lawyer Ellen Lee said.

The wife of one of her clients cheated on him repeatedly. The man forgave her time and again for the sake for their two young daughters. But after her fourth affair, he decided enough was enough and filed for a divorce.

Between 2004 and 2014, based on data from the Department of Statistics (DOS), 1.3 per cent to 2.1 per cent of those who filed for divorce under the Women’s Charter cited adultery as the main reason.

Of this group, between 27 per cent and 34 per cent were husbands who claimed their wives had been unfaithful, the DOS explained when asked about data obtained from the Statistics of Marriages and Divorces.

Lawyers said official data from the courts does not reflect the reality of what they observe – which is that between a third and half the divorces they handle involve one cheating spouse.

But few cite adultery as grounds for divorce as that requires evidence of an affair, and the third party must be named in divorce papers.

So most choose to cite unreasonable behaviour instead.

This is also because it can be costly to hire a private investigator to gather evidence. It costs between $5,000 and $8,000 for one week of surveillance.

Adultery is also seen as shameful. So the offending party tends to negotiate with the spouse not to cite adultery as the reason, said lawyer Malathi Das.

Source: www.straitstimes.com

May 16, 2016