Tag: hijab

A letter to Muslimah Sister Regarding her Support for PinkDotSG2014

Credit: PinkDot SG

PinkDot SG

Dear R1C,

This letter is dedicated to Miss Adee Sardali, the lady clad in tudung or hijab as seen in the Pinkdot video 2014.

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Dear sister in Islam who has a beautiful name Adee Sardali.

I may not know you, but I do know we share the same religion, we are both from the same race, and we don the hijab.

The only difference now between you and me is that, I am a mother of a newborn baby. Just want to share my life story with you Adee, and the readers of Rilek1Corner.

Just like you, I was an avid supporter of PinkDot SG for two years, in 2010 and 2011. The reason why I was a supporter of PD was because I have been a closet gay since I was in secondary school but only came out and revealed myself to close friends when I joined the Singapore Police Force. I met my first girlfriend in the police force during training.

She was a beautiful and smart Malay girl with big eyes and fair skin. The first time I laid eyes on her, my heart skipped a beat. That was the start of my gay life. And it was a also the start of many heartbreaks and sleepless nights. Partying and getting drunk is a norm. Life without alcohol and sex is meaningless. Sex was amazing, and I learned to do things that I never thought I could. In short, my life was happening and I enjoy being a lesbian. And I have never regretted being one, up to this day.

I met more likeminded people in lesbian pubs and back then it was a popular place located at Far East Plaza. I changed partner easily because as long as you are attractive and charming, life as a lesbian can be very exciting and and lively. Quarrels on the other hand can get violent. Bruises from punches and kicking was a norm for me.

I love my parents and they have no idea that I was gay. But my mom seemed to have growing suspicion that I was gay because I only bring home girlfriends and they usually sleep overnight in my room, door shut and locked.

Soon my mom began to drop hints that I should settle down after several years in the police force. She said she is growing old and she wants to see her grandchildren before she pass away.

I felt pressured. I felt I had to succumb to societal conventions. Mentally and emotionally there is a tussle between who I really am and the person that my mom and society wants me to be. I hate being myself and there were thoughts about ending my life because I don’t want to continue this life and living a lie.

Soon someone in the same station introduced me to a guy who is also in the home team. He seemed very interested in me because he said I was not as girlish as those he knew. He doesn’t know that I am gay and we continue to be friends. After 2 years of knowing each other, I decided to bring him home to shut my mom up from nagging about marriage everyday. My mom was very happy and started asking him questions about settling down. I was so angry and disappointed in my parents.

Soon he brought his parents over and the engagement and marriage dates were finalised. In less than a year I was engaged to him. My girlfriend was there as my chaperone. She said I was selfish and heartless for doing this to her. She braved herself to come down and help me with all the engagement preparations. She told me I can change my mind and we can quit the force and leave the country. I chickened out. I was not ready to disappoint my parents and break their hearts. But I broke the heart of the lady I love the most at that point. I was a mess.

A year lady, I got married to the home team guy. My girlfriend refused to be attend my wedding. She tried to MIA from my life. I was broken. I wasn’t ready to lose her.

After marriage I continued my life as a lesbian. I was defiant, hated having sex with my husband. I felt it was a chore but i had to do it because i do not want him to find out about my lesbian life. He worked shifts, and so do I. I was a terrible wife, I couldn’t be bothered about him. I never pick up his phone calls unless necessary. I was a bad wife and mean.

But I couldn’t care less. My priority was to reinstate my relationship with my girlfriend. I wanted her to know that nothing has changed since I got married and I am still the same person. Marriage doesn’t change me at all. We got back together but things can never be the same again. She cheated on me again and again because her reason was I cheated on her and got married. I forgave her many times but soon realised I got tired of forgiving someone who cheats on me.

Soon my husband, seldom came home. He went out with his friends regularly since he was bored that I was home late all the time. He started partying. One day I caught him partying at St James. I told him we should get a divorce and accused him of having sex with prostitutes. He got a shocked. I went ahead and filed for divorce at Syariah court. My parents was so sad. My dad fell ill. My mom was distraught. My husband’s family was disappointed in both of us. They encouraged us to fix things, but I remained adamant to get a divorce and get my life back as a lesbian. I wanted to be single and be who I really am. Gay in every sense of the word.

I got drunk everyday. My husband tried to make amends. He changed and put up with alot of my crap. I threw all his favourite things, scratched his brand new car, sold his expensive clothes to karang guni. I even put dead rats in his working boots. I was a bitch. I made his life miserable because he made my life miserable as a his wife.

One day, I met my good friend and confidante who is a straight guy. He heard about what happened to my marriage. He also knew about my life as a lesbian. He told me that I was lucky that my husband doesn’t find out that I am a lesbian. He told me that I have never been a filial wife let alone give him any care and concern. I never respect myself because I cheated not only my husband, but also my lesbian girlfriend and my parents. In truth he told me to give my marriage another shot and clean up my act. Give a chance for my lesbian girlfriend to move on with her life and stop making her pin hopes for nothing.Happiness starts with me and only I can make a difference in my life and the lives of others who loves me.

Fast-forward, I changed. I really did. Don’t know why i changed but I changed for the better. I stopped all contacts with all my lesbian friends. I went cold turkey. I learned to like my husband. Gradually love blossoms and now I can safely say that i am much happier than I was before. My objective and goals are clearer. I am no longer confused and messed up. In April this year, I gave birth to our first child. A daughter has bring joy and meaning to my life. Nothing else matters except her.

If you ask me if I regret being a lesbian, My answer again is no. It is part and parcel of life and discovering myself. Till today, my husband has no idea about my life as a lesbian. And I can never imagine what happens if he finds out about it. Let that be my secret. Good and bad memories, I take it as life lesson. It made me stronger and it made me understand about myself better. I even started wearing tudung when i got back with my husband.

Now, I fully understand my mom whenever she says “one you will only understand how I feel about you my dear daughter, when you give birth to your own flesh and blood”.

And now, I share this advice with you sis Adee Sardali. One day…one day, you will know.

Allah has a reason for making things haram. When something is haram it’s for our own good. If all men married men and all women married women how would the human race continue? Perhaps, you have not been a parent and you don’t know how it feels like to raise a child. The day you give birth to your child, your own flesh and blood, you will understand how your parents feel about it. As parents we have high hopes for our children. Good or bad, we take it all in. Our hope as parents is to see our children grow up as responsible individuals and live long enough to see our grand children grow and continue the generation. Maybe, you will get that one day. And I am sure, at the point you see your newborn child, you will understand what i mean right now. At this time, and given your age, you will not understand. Not yet. God created women for a reason, he created women as a companion for men, for each other. So if men were meant to have sex with other men, God wouldn’t have created women.

Sis Adee Sardali, I wish you well and hope you will ponder on what I have been meaning to tell you. If you wish to contact me, please contact the editors of Rilek1Corner as I have given them permission to release my email address to you only. And you only.

Nat

EDITOR’S NOTE

We have received many emails asking if Sis Adee Sardali is gay or a lesbian. Rilek1Corner are in no position to comment Sis Adee’s sexual orientation. However, Sis Nat reiterated that this letter is dedicated to Sis Adee because of her open support for PinkDotSG and not because of her sexual orientation. Sis Nat merely shares her life story so that Sis Adee and readers of Rilek1Corner can learn thing or two about life as a Muslim gay or lesbian in Singapore.

Thanks Sis Nat for sharing your interesting life story. To Adee Sardali, please email us at [[email protected]] if you wish to contact Sis Nat.

READ MORE LGBT RELATED ARTICLES HERE

May 23, 2014
Rehashing the Hijab Movement in Singapore

NUS Nursing undergraduate Afiqah Binte Kamel, who started the Singapore Nursing Hijab Movement aimed at representing nurses and the specific issues surrounding wearing the hijab in nursing.
Credit: Google Images

SINGAPORE, Mar 14 (Campus Eye) – Debates concerning the ban on the hijab for Muslim women wearing uniforms in the civil service continue between the Singapore government and lobbyists, after having been reignited in late 2013.

This issue resurfaced following the creation of the Singapore Hijab Movement, a Facebook group that amassed more than 20,000 likes within weeks of being set up. The group ceased operations on Nov. 14, 2013.

Minister-in-charge of Muslim Affairs, Yaacob Ibrahim, said in a statement released on his Facebook page following closed-door discussions in November 2013 with Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong that Malay ministers from the People’s Action Party and civil society leaders in the Malay-Muslim community must “manage and balance the diverse needs of our multi-racial and multi-religious society,” and that “accommodation and compromise by all parties” is necessary.

Lobbyists for the cause are dissatisfied with this seemingly ambivalent government response.

One such reaction came from Walid J. Abdullah, a tutor in National University of Singapore (NUS) Political Science department and active participant in the ongoing debate.

“One of the things we are afraid of is dialogue and debate about religion in Singapore. On all sides, there needs to be more openness, more engagement,” he said.

“Have discussions, for example, with the nurses who want to wear the hijab,” Walid added. “Get to know them, get to know what their intentions are.”

This sentiment was echoed by NUS Nursing undergraduate Afiqah Binte Kamel, who started the Singapore Nursing Hijab Movement aimed at representing nurses and the specific issues surrounding wearing the hijab in nursing.

Read more here

Written by Sharifah Nursyafiqah

Source: Sharifah Nursyafiqah, Campus Eye NUS, Afiqah Kamel

MORE HIJAB RELATED ARTICLES HERE

April 30, 2014
Muslimah Failed Job Interview Due to Hijab

Yesterday, i received this in my inbox. It is one of the many i received for these kind of situations.

“Salaam Osman…
I have something to share which angers me.

My daughter just ‘failed immediately’ in an interview for not willing to remove her Hijab even though she has the necessary requirements.
Allaahul musta’aan.”

I enquired further and gotten to know that the interview was for a therapist course. He then continued;

“Theres this course for therapist, admin staff and etc at CGH. The interviewer was very blunt. The first question was ‘are u willing to remove yr hijab’ and when she reply no, they replied, ‘If u are not, u failed immediately’ – this is the exact reply.

She is a type not arguing which people….she just left the place. A course which guarantee a place in any hospital upon passing and completing.

What appalled me wes that, on the 18th march she attended the seminar they held…no problem. They have her record. Then applied, they called her for interview today…but today lain pulak jadinya.”

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Im always very much affected reading such messages. Firstly, discrimination has no place in any society. It creates an ill will between people and it has a negative effect on the victim.

They feel isolated. Feels humiliated, angry. Develop low self esteem. Suffer humiliation. It can also contributes to depression, poor quality of life etc.

On top of that, it denies someone their human rights to be able to participate fully in our society.

Not only are they denying the hijab wearing women employment, but it goes to the extend of denying them the chance to learn.

As a society, we should be working towards creating a culture that respects n values each other’s differences and recognizes that diversity is a great asset to our community.

This PAP gov has shown time and again their outright blatant disregards for the minorities. To be denied equal opportunities in our own country shows a lack of respect by the ruling gov towards its own people.

I urged my community to turn their backs on the PAP. It is high time that we elect other ppl who can respect and accord us with equality.

Source: Osman Sulaiman

April 1, 2014
Hospital Job Applicant Got Turned Down Due to Hijab

Today, I sent an email to the CEO of CGH enquiring on the discriminatory hiring practices employed by them. Hope to get a satisfactory reply.

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Dear Ms Lilian Chew

RE: DISCRIMINATORY HIRING PRACTICES

I would like to bring your attention to a recruitment exercise that was conducted by Changi General Hospital on Thursday, 27 March 2014 at Tampines North Community Centre.

Prior to the recruitment exercise, a seminar was conducted on Tuesday, 18 March 2014 at Northwest CDC Woodlands Civic Centre, by Health Management International and Institute of Health Science in collaboration with Changi General Hospital (CGH), Singapore General Hospital (SGH) and National University Hospital (NUH).

I was informed by a friend that she had signed up for a Therapy Assistant course during the seminar and subsequently was called up to attend an interview on 27 March 2014.

What happened next was no doubt an appalling experience no person should be made to go through. The first and only question the interviewer asked her was “Are you willing to remove your hijab?” When she replied no, the interviewer said, “Then there’s no point we continue this interview. You fail immediately.” Not being a confrontational person, she proceeded to leave the interview room.

Therefore I would like to seek clarifications from you on a few matters;
1) What is the hospital’s policy regarding recruitment of candidates wearing the hijab?

2) Was the interviewer acting on his personal whims and fancies or is it the hospital’s policy to exclude and deny enrolment/recruitment to students/candidates wearing the hijab?

3) Why candidates were not informed during the seminar that anyone wearing hijab is not welcomed to participate? So that potential candidates need not waste time, effort and money attending the interview just to get discriminated on.

4) Why is the hospital discriminating against people who put on the hijab, the opportunity to learn and to seek knowledge?

As an established organization that seeks to be a world class healthcare service provider, surely this kind of discrimination should not have existed if any.

Singapore prides itself on a meritocratic system as highlighted by our prime minister on numerous occasions. To make an unjust or prejudicial distinction in the treatment of people is unacceptable.

As a public hospital funded by tax-payers, it is in the interest of the public that the hospital make known of its hiring practices.

I look forward to your reply on the above enquires.

Thank you.

Regards,
Osman Sulaiman

cc:
Speaker of Parliament – Mdm Halimah Yacob
Minister-in-Charge of Muslim Affairs – Assoc Prof Dr Yaacob Ibrahim
Ministry of Manpower – Dr Amy Khor Lean Suan
Acting Minister for Manpower – Tan Chuan Jin
CEO Changi General Hospital – Dr LEE Chien Earn
Deputy Director HR Management, Changi General Hospital – Darren Lim

Source: Osman Sulaiman

April 1, 2014
Workers’ Party on Hijab Issue: Government Should Conduct Constructive Public Consultations

Meet-the-People Sessions (MPS)
Every Wednesday, 7.30pm – 9.30pm
@ Blk 550 Bedok North Ave 1 | Map: http://bit.ly/xShedV

Office: Member of Parliament
District: Aljunied GRC
Party: The Workers’ Party

By MP for Aljunied GRC, Muhamad Faisal Abdul Manap
[Delivered in Committee of Supply on 12 March 2014]

Since 2011 the government had set out to foster social cohesion and to build an inclusive society through the budget. While an ‘inclusive society’ means different things to different people, it is important to know that a fundamental tenet of an inclusive society is the tolerant and respectful embrace of the cultures and values that each community in Singapore holds dear.

In the context of the ‘new normal’ in Singapore society, Singaporeans are increasingly more vocal and want their views to be heard. I believe that in fostering multiculturalism, public dialogue and constant consultations are the way forward. In the case of the recent hijab issue, to the best of my understanding, the dialogue that was conducted with representatives of the Malay community was more of a platform for the government to convey its stand, rather than a dialogue. This is because the government has already came to the decision of not allowing hijab to be worn prior to the dialogue session instead of making decision at or after the session. I am of the view that the government should enhance not only the manner in which it communicates but also its attitude when performing the communicating. At the same time, consultation with one community alone is inadequate as it may lead to hasty conclusions and unnecessary assumptions. A more constructive approach would be public consultations conducted with different stakeholders, and the different ethnic communities. The Singaporeans I meet from the different ethnic communities understand that the final policy outcomes may not go according to their preferences. Nonetheless, they hope that the government should also understand that the process is equally important to them.

It is the responsibility of any government not to overtly impose its assumptions on any issue, particularly on sensitive and emotional issues. Rather it should base its understanding on scientific findings and in the event that such information is not available, commission a study on the matter. The government should also make available the information that it has. Public engagement and consultations that adopt a more transparent, forthright and comprehensive approach would allow us to better understand the issue at large and the context and the nuances behind each issue. I hope the Minister would agree with me that such an approach would bring us closer to a consensus that is workable, productive and acceptable by the various stakeholders involved. That should be the way forward towards an inclusive society and a multicultural Singapore.

Source: Workers’ Party

March 12, 2014