This is a response to the recent posting made by Azman Ivan Tan who asserted that homosexuals are “delusional”.
Sexual identity and religion are sensitive and contradictory issues in Singapore. Only a few are willing to discuss them open-mindedly. Most are likely to say that having a different sexual preference is a perversion of religion and a betrayal of human nature or social norms.
The strict adherence to the varied messages that can be taken from the Quran, and the staunch opposition to homosexuality that exists within the Islamic faith, form the foundation of many of the issues that LGBT Muslims face.
But there are still some in the Muslim community who feel that homosexuality is a “delusion”, a “mental illness” or a “phenomenon”, and who stress an avoidance of one’s homosexual desires in an effort to keep in line with their Islamic beliefs. Fellow Muslim brothers Azman Ivan Tan and Ustaz Noor Deros who started this Wear White Movement have clearly illustrated this in the most unpalatable way.
The notion of being gay and Muslim at the same time is very tough when we see how stereotypical views about gay people are still present in our society. Most people grossly conflate gayness with pedophilia, promiscuity, social pathology and other stigmas.
It is therefore imperative to foster dialogue between religious groups and gay communities to bridge the difference. Instead of renouncing gay people as deviant, religious groups should embrace them and learn how to synchronize their situation with Islam.
Gay people, therefore, need to explain their situations sincerely by either coming out in public when they are ready for it, or feeling comfortable with their personal state before expecting society to understand them.
In fact, two-way communication to bring different perspectives about sexual identity and to convey the message that it is a fluid concept should be encouraged in order to create commonalities among components of society.
The stigma still exists. It will take time to change that.
I have been keeping watch on the recent developments in the Muslim community pertaining to several important issues like the halal certification matters, MUIS’s flaccid performance on hijab issue, and zero counter measures on Pink Dot SG event this 28 June 2014 which coincidentally falls on the first day of Ramadhan. As a result of the indifference of MUIS towards taking action in the interests of the Muslim community, this has further pushed Muslims into losing faith in the secular fabric of the country.
As Muslims, we are fully aware eating halal and tayyib food is an important as a matter of worship of God where general principle what is lawful and what is good (Tayyib) should be followed. The food service sector is deemed to be the final link in the entire food industry supply chain and as this industry experiences a rapid growth, the duty of ensuring the food is halal has been shifted to restaurant operators and this can be seen through the introduction of halal standard. However, many restaurant operators did not comply with this halal standard and led to halal fraudulent practices. Reports on halal fraudulent decrease the confidence level amongst the Muslims. What’s more saddening is the tacit approach taken by MUIS and its entirely owned Halal consultancy company known as Warees Halal.
When it comes to hijab issue, attempts to resolve the tudung/hijab issue by the MUIS and the government remained unsatisfactory. Religious attires do not contribute to social disharmony and disunity and the wearing of headscarves definitely does not contribute to social disintegration. Since late last year, there has been ongoing debate on how the Government should review its stand of not allowing the tudung for certain uniformed public sector jobs, to fit the community’s aspirations. Tudung is an important religious obligation and one which symbolises a woman’s dignity and decency. There is a growing number of the grievances of fellow Muslims who face difficulties in fulfilling the religious obligation in covering the aurat due to the tudung restriction in some workplaces. The Muslims in Singapore appreciate the willingness by some government agencies for allowing Muslim women to fulfill this religious obligation. Such flexibility should be extended to all government agencies as it will reflect the government’s effort in promoting multiculturalism, and be made an example for the private sector. In alignment with the principles of individual rights and religious freedom, Muslim women who are wearing the tudung should be given equal opportunities and treatment in their workplace or in finding employment. We heard murmurs from MUIS and PERGAS, but what has been done so far? The hijab issue has been swept under the carpet again.
While Muslims celebrate the coming of blessed month Ramadhan, unfortunately many Muslims will also celebrate with the LGBT during their annual PinkDot party at Hong Lim Park. If Muslims continue to sit back in our state of docility, the PinkDot movement will keep on pushing their agenda. However, this does not mean that Muslims must ostracize the strayed homosexual Muslims. Instead, Muslims should come together and take the steps to make them understand Islam even more, and create the necessary avenue or platform for them to interact with true Muslims who love Allah and strive to make amends to improve themselves. Without such avenue/platform, Muslims are alienating these pro-LGBT supporters and activists from any of our outreach efforts. It will be a tumultuous journey but we pray that the families and friends involved are taking steps in the right direction to help their strayed loved ones. We need help from a group of professionals to help these strayed Muslims, but who do we turn to when every single action needs authorization and clearance from the MUIS and the Government?
After such a long drawn out jihad on these issues with insignificant outcome, it is high time to call for the set up of a new independent ulama body that closely oversees matters of Muslims in Singapore. Something that works like PERGAS but free from government influence and control. Indeed, the Muslim community, has fallen into unIslamic ways and needs clerical leadership in order to return to the fundamentals of the faith.
This letter is dedicated to Miss Adee Sardali, the lady clad in tudung or hijab as seen in the Pinkdot video 2014.
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Dear sister in Islam who has a beautiful name Adee Sardali.
I may not know you, but I do know we share the same religion, we are both from the same race, and we don the hijab.
The only difference now between you and me is that, I am a mother of a newborn baby. Just want to share my life story with you Adee, and the readers of Rilek1Corner.
Just like you, I was an avid supporter of PinkDot SG for two years, in 2010 and 2011. The reason why I was a supporter of PD was because I have been a closet gay since I was in secondary school but only came out and revealed myself to close friends when I joined the Singapore Police Force. I met my first girlfriend in the police force during training.
She was a beautiful and smart Malay girl with big eyes and fair skin. The first time I laid eyes on her, my heart skipped a beat. That was the start of my gay life. And it was a also the start of many heartbreaks and sleepless nights. Partying and getting drunk is a norm. Life without alcohol and sex is meaningless. Sex was amazing, and I learned to do things that I never thought I could. In short, my life was happening and I enjoy being a lesbian. And I have never regretted being one, up to this day.
I met more likeminded people in lesbian pubs and back then it was a popular place located at Far East Plaza. I changed partner easily because as long as you are attractive and charming, life as a lesbian can be very exciting and and lively. Quarrels on the other hand can get violent. Bruises from punches and kicking was a norm for me.
I love my parents and they have no idea that I was gay. But my mom seemed to have growing suspicion that I was gay because I only bring home girlfriends and they usually sleep overnight in my room, door shut and locked.
Soon my mom began to drop hints that I should settle down after several years in the police force. She said she is growing old and she wants to see her grandchildren before she pass away.
I felt pressured. I felt I had to succumb to societal conventions. Mentally and emotionally there is a tussle between who I really am and the person that my mom and society wants me to be. I hate being myself and there were thoughts about ending my life because I don’t want to continue this life and living a lie.
Soon someone in the same station introduced me to a guy who is also in the home team. He seemed very interested in me because he said I was not as girlish as those he knew. He doesn’t know that I am gay and we continue to be friends. After 2 years of knowing each other, I decided to bring him home to shut my mom up from nagging about marriage everyday. My mom was very happy and started asking him questions about settling down. I was so angry and disappointed in my parents.
Soon he brought his parents over and the engagement and marriage dates were finalised. In less than a year I was engaged to him. My girlfriend was there as my chaperone. She said I was selfish and heartless for doing this to her. She braved herself to come down and help me with all the engagement preparations. She told me I can change my mind and we can quit the force and leave the country. I chickened out. I was not ready to disappoint my parents and break their hearts. But I broke the heart of the lady I love the most at that point. I was a mess.
A year lady, I got married to the home team guy. My girlfriend refused to be attend my wedding. She tried to MIA from my life. I was broken. I wasn’t ready to lose her.
After marriage I continued my life as a lesbian. I was defiant, hated having sex with my husband. I felt it was a chore but i had to do it because i do not want him to find out about my lesbian life. He worked shifts, and so do I. I was a terrible wife, I couldn’t be bothered about him. I never pick up his phone calls unless necessary. I was a bad wife and mean.
But I couldn’t care less. My priority was to reinstate my relationship with my girlfriend. I wanted her to know that nothing has changed since I got married and I am still the same person. Marriage doesn’t change me at all. We got back together but things can never be the same again. She cheated on me again and again because her reason was I cheated on her and got married. I forgave her many times but soon realised I got tired of forgiving someone who cheats on me.
Soon my husband, seldom came home. He went out with his friends regularly since he was bored that I was home late all the time. He started partying. One day I caught him partying at St James. I told him we should get a divorce and accused him of having sex with prostitutes. He got a shocked. I went ahead and filed for divorce at Syariah court. My parents was so sad. My dad fell ill. My mom was distraught. My husband’s family was disappointed in both of us. They encouraged us to fix things, but I remained adamant to get a divorce and get my life back as a lesbian. I wanted to be single and be who I really am. Gay in every sense of the word.
I got drunk everyday. My husband tried to make amends. He changed and put up with alot of my crap. I threw all his favourite things, scratched his brand new car, sold his expensive clothes to karang guni. I even put dead rats in his working boots. I was a bitch. I made his life miserable because he made my life miserable as a his wife.
One day, I met my good friend and confidante who is a straight guy. He heard about what happened to my marriage. He also knew about my life as a lesbian. He told me that I was lucky that my husband doesn’t find out that I am a lesbian. He told me that I have never been a filial wife let alone give him any care and concern. I never respect myself because I cheated not only my husband, but also my lesbian girlfriend and my parents. In truth he told me to give my marriage another shot and clean up my act. Give a chance for my lesbian girlfriend to move on with her life and stop making her pin hopes for nothing.Happiness starts with me and only I can make a difference in my life and the lives of others who loves me.
Fast-forward, I changed. I really did. Don’t know why i changed but I changed for the better. I stopped all contacts with all my lesbian friends. I went cold turkey. I learned to like my husband. Gradually love blossoms and now I can safely say that i am much happier than I was before. My objective and goals are clearer. I am no longer confused and messed up. In April this year, I gave birth to our first child. A daughter has bring joy and meaning to my life. Nothing else matters except her.
If you ask me if I regret being a lesbian, My answer again is no. It is part and parcel of life and discovering myself. Till today, my husband has no idea about my life as a lesbian. And I can never imagine what happens if he finds out about it. Let that be my secret. Good and bad memories, I take it as life lesson. It made me stronger and it made me understand about myself better. I even started wearing tudung when i got back with my husband.
Now, I fully understand my mom whenever she says “one you will only understand how I feel about you my dear daughter, when you give birth to your own flesh and blood”.
And now, I share this advice with you sis Adee Sardali. One day…one day, you will know.
Allah has a reason for making things haram. When something is haram it’s for our own good. If all men married men and all women married women how would the human race continue? Perhaps, you have not been a parent and you don’t know how it feels like to raise a child. The day you give birth to your child, your own flesh and blood, you will understand how your parents feel about it. As parents we have high hopes for our children. Good or bad, we take it all in. Our hope as parents is to see our children grow up as responsible individuals and live long enough to see our grand children grow and continue the generation. Maybe, you will get that one day. And I am sure, at the point you see your newborn child, you will understand what i mean right now. At this time, and given your age, you will not understand. Not yet. God created women for a reason, he created women as a companion for men, for each other. So if men were meant to have sex with other men, God wouldn’t have created women.
Sis Adee Sardali, I wish you well and hope you will ponder on what I have been meaning to tell you. If you wish to contact me, please contact the editors of Rilek1Corner as I have given them permission to release my email address to you only. And you only.
Nat
EDITOR’S NOTE
We have received many emails asking if Sis Adee Sardali is gay or a lesbian. Rilek1Corner are in no position to comment Sis Adee’s sexual orientation. However, Sis Nat reiterated that this letter is dedicated to Sis Adee because of her open support for PinkDotSG and not because of her sexual orientation. Sis Nat merely shares her life story so that Sis Adee and readers of Rilek1Corner can learn thing or two about life as a Muslim gay or lesbian in Singapore.
Thanks Sis Nat for sharing your interesting life story. To Adee Sardali, please email us at [[email protected]] if you wish to contact Sis Nat.
Support for Hijab sticker logo seen on a local Muslim food stall. Credit: Mohd Saiddhin Abdullah
Support for Hijab sticker logo seen on a local Muslim food stall. Credit: Mohd Saiddhin AbdullahHijab sticker in conjunction Singapore hijab movement seen on Facebook profiles of many Muslims who helped to spread the awarenessSupport for Hijab sticker logo seen on a local Muslim food stall. Credit: Mohd Saiddhin Abdullah
Dear R1C,
I would like to share something wonderful that I found over the weekend. I saw one of my friend shared a photo of a local Muslim butcher stall owner who pasted hijab movement sticker on the stall. The stall is located at Blk 4A Eunos Crescent Market & Food Centre S402004. I want to express how happy I am to see this. I believe more people should paste all these stickers at their work place, their food stalls, their home and even their car. As Muslims, it is our duty to spread this awareness.
As a proud Muslim, I am happy to find a growing number of Muslims who are supporting the hijab movement. Hijab is a command of Allah and every command of Allah is full of wisdom.
Wearing a hijab for me feels great. It definitely makes you feel different somehow as if your spirit is being up lifted. For myself I wear a hijab with guidance but also as I feel comfortable. I don’t try to push myself too hard but still stay within boundaries of what Allah would want.
I started by wearing the hijab and practicing how to wear it when going out with friends and incorporated a new wardrobe along the way as hijab is not just covering the head. I made people around me aware of my interest in Islam and that I was serious about becoming Muslim and in doing so following “it” and respecting Islam as much as I can and that means representing the faith and we should as well as Muslims following their book of guidance and Muhammad who was a great teacher.
Allah wants us to be protected from harm and get maximum benefit so keep in that in mind. It is all about believing in yourself and that you can do it. Take the hijab as a stepping stone to a new direction. Once you wear it you will understand that it is not difficult. You have to have the courage to wear it as it will protect your beauty.
Hijab is dignified, not dishonoured, noble, not degraded, liberated, not subjugated, purified, not sullied, independent, not a slave, protected, not exposed, respected, not laughed at, confident, not insecure, obedient, not a sinner, a guarded pearl, not a prostitute…
NUS Nursing undergraduate Afiqah Binte Kamel, who started the Singapore Nursing Hijab Movement aimed at representing nurses and the specific issues surrounding wearing the hijab in nursing. Credit: Google Images
SINGAPORE, Mar 14 (Campus Eye) – Debates concerning the ban on the hijab for Muslim women wearing uniforms in the civil service continue between the Singapore government and lobbyists, after having been reignited in late 2013.
This issue resurfaced following the creation of the Singapore Hijab Movement, a Facebook group that amassed more than 20,000 likes within weeks of being set up. The group ceased operations on Nov. 14, 2013.
Minister-in-charge of Muslim Affairs, Yaacob Ibrahim, said in a statement released on his Facebook page following closed-door discussions in November 2013 with Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong that Malay ministers from the People’s Action Party and civil society leaders in the Malay-Muslim community must “manage and balance the diverse needs of our multi-racial and multi-religious society,” and that “accommodation and compromise by all parties” is necessary.
Lobbyists for the cause are dissatisfied with this seemingly ambivalent government response.
One such reaction came from Walid J. Abdullah, a tutor in National University of Singapore (NUS) Political Science department and active participant in the ongoing debate.
“One of the things we are afraid of is dialogue and debate about religion in Singapore. On all sides, there needs to be more openness, more engagement,” he said.
“Have discussions, for example, with the nurses who want to wear the hijab,” Walid added. “Get to know them, get to know what their intentions are.”
This sentiment was echoed by NUS Nursing undergraduate Afiqah Binte Kamel, who started the Singapore Nursing Hijab Movement aimed at representing nurses and the specific issues surrounding wearing the hijab in nursing.
